


I Waited for You..

by captainfinnie



Category: Stray Kids (Band)
Genre: First Post, M/M, angst with happy ending, em o t i on s, minchan, side characters minchan uwu, stray kids - Freeform, this is a vent fic lmao, uhhhh, woojin - Freeform, wooseung?
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-03-26
Updated: 2020-03-26
Packaged: 2021-03-01 00:22:34
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,036
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/23326204
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/captainfinnie/pseuds/captainfinnie
Summary: seungmin is at war with himself, stuck in this endless loop of restless overthinking- kim woojin is the cause.
Relationships: Bang Chan/Lee Minho, Kim Seungmin/Kim Woojin
Comments: 1
Kudos: 25





	I Waited for You..

_ seungmin’s heart is racing. _

_ he can’t breathe. _

_ why? why did that happen? he can’t stop thinking, can’t stop his steps, can’t control his direction. _

_ he stands in front of woojin’s apartment, he reaches for the door bell, eyes filled with tears. _

_ “hyung..” _

_

an hour earlier..

seungmin was having one of those days. the ones where his mind was eternally clouded, his thoughts were racing past, never giving seungmin a chance to grasp them fully. he could only think of one thing.  _ woojin.. _

seungmin and the older boy had broken up about six months ago. his mind was simply too scattered. he was too unstable. woojin deserved better. that’s what he told himself anyways, when he turned his back on a silently crying woojin in the livingroom of their once shared apartment. he whispered his goodbyes, walking out the front door before getting to hear woojin’s reply. woojin loved him, and he couldn’t handle it. it was too much, too real.

_ too close. _

seungmin would be lying if he said he wasn’t in love as well. that’s the exact problem you see, seungmin  was and is in love . and he can’t even begin to understand that. he grew up, being told it was wrong . it’s wrong, two boys can’t do this, they can’t do that . however, at a point in their relationship, seungmin truly didn’t care, he enjoyed being free. allowing himself to love kim woojin with all his being like it was his destiny. at one point, he believed it was his destiny. but then, the doubts. the chaos within his mind, the restraints that always held him back. those shackles that periodically lost their hold, clamped themselves back on with twice the strength.

seungmin spiraled. 

he knew. he knew it wasn’t wrong. he knew, but he couldn’t let go of his past, the teachings embedded into his mind were rooted deeply. they threw seungmin back to the ground, reminded him that flying freely was dangerous.

and now here he is, kim seungmin, the confused, broken adult that he is now. 

in love, and can’t handle it.

seungmin looks up at a café menu, eyes blurry with over-exhaustion and drowsiness. once he reaches the register, the cashier gives him an apologetic smile.

“hi, welcome in. rough day?”

seungmin startles a bit, not thinking anyone would notice anything or even speak to him. he must look as wrecked as he feels. when the freckles on the cashiers cheeks danced a bit in the café lights, seungmin manages a small smile in return. seungmin eyes the cashiers name tag. 

_ hi, i’m felix! _

“hey there felix, i’ve had better days, but i’m alright. thank you for asking.” seungmins says quietly, moving the conversation along by pointing towards a random hot drink on the menu. within minutes, seungmin is already out the door, raspberry hot chocolate in hand. he sips at it mindlessly, his mind returning to it’s tiring routine. overthinking, overthinking, and overthinking. of course, there’s only one thing that his mind can actually keep ahold of though. kim woojin. his heart ached in a dull, longing sort of way. “ _pure agony_ ”,seungmin thought to himself.

“ _i’m sick of this shit chan!_ ”

a yell echoed through seungmin’s troubled mind, his head whips to his left side, spotting two figures in a dimly lit alleyway between two apartment buildings. one reached for the others hand, his hand was smacked away.

“ _don’t_ fucking touch me! i don’t understand you.. _what is this chan_?” 

the figure speaking gestured between the two wildly, upset and seemingly anxious. seungmin ducked to the side, watching intently. what am i doing? 

“minho, _i think i’m in love with you_.” the figure, chan, blurted out. 

seungmin held back a gasp, his mind flashing through the memories of his confession to woojin.

_ “woojin-hyung- i think i love you. i’m afraid -“ _

“i’m _afraid_ minho..”

seungmin’s eyes went wide, a strong sense of deja vu passing through him like a chill down his spine. _what the fuck is this?-_

“.. _afraid_?” the other, minho, seungmin supposed, finally spoke. chan’s eyes softened. seungmin couldn’t see well, but he swore he saw a tear glide down his cheek.

“i’m afraid of loving you minho, afraid of what you’ll think.. afraid of myself, afraid of the thoughts- the thoughts of others.. _i’m so afraid, because i’m so in love_..” chan cried out painfully.

seungmin wanted to leave. everything.. the whole situation hurt too much. reminded him of too much. it’s too much-

_run away. run away. run aw_ -

“chan, _you idiot_.”

minho spoke harshly, yet lovingly. seungmin was taken aback by minho’s warm tone. the _love_ in his voice..

“i love you too, you absolute idiot. who cares channie? who cares what the others think? who cares what people told you in the past? you’re what i want.. _i want you bang chan_.” minho’s tone softened further, taking on a small tint of sadness that left seungmin speechless. seungmin was overwhelmed, woojin’s voice echoed in his mind.

“ _i only want you seungmin.. i love you, more than you’ll ever know_..”

it’s too much, seungmin’s heart was pounding, wanting to rip through his ribcage and tear it’s way through his chest. he stumbled back, he shouldn’t be here _this is wrong_ -

“only you matter to me chan.. you can leave but please, please  don’t hide from yourself. this is who you are \- don’t run away from it- it’ll only hurt you..  p-please ..” 

minho sobbed out, he reaches towards chan’s face, caressing his cheek softly. lovingly. seungmin turns around, ready to walk away, when-

“.. _._ _i won’t hide. i can’t run.. i need you minho, i want you. only you_.. ”

chan pulls minho closer by the waist, leaning his face into minho’s hand, placing his hand over it.

“ .. yeah, _this is all i need_.. ”

minho lets out a noise resembling laughter and a sob combined, he lunges forward, placing singlehandedly the most romantic kiss on chan’s lips seungmin has ever seen.

seungmin’s head spins.

he wondered, on that day, when he left.. if he had waited to hear woojin’s reply, would he have said the same to him? would woojin have held him close, placed his lips on seungmin’s and called him an idiot for being afraid? _for being afraid of love.._

seungmin bolted, he ran and ran, in a direction that he dreaded but knew all too well.

-

before he could stop himself, seungmin was pressing that old, dusty doorbell button. a few seconds later, seungmin hears footsteps from inside approaching the door. there’s a pause.

“seungmin..?”

seungmin’s tears spill over, he hugs himself tightly, falling apart pitifully in that damned doorway. he swears that he’s suffocating, he’s drowning.

“h-hyung- _please_..”

seungmin cries out again, louder this time.

_ please let me in.. _

seungmin’s words remain that way, unspoken to the open air, but the door is flying open despite all the odds. as soon as woojin’s hands are against his shoulders, holding him up gently, seungmin really let’s go. he shatters into pieces, small little shards that he just couldn’t hold together anymore.

“seungmin! hey, what’s wrong, what’s happening?”

woojin’s voice.. seungmins heart breaks in a way that he could never possibly describe. despite everything that he did, woojin still cared for him. _why_..

“i-i- hyung p-please i- i can’t-“

seungmin barely managed through choked up sobs, before he knows it, he being lifted off the ground onto his feet. he feels weak, he trembles as woojin leads him inside. _no_ -

they only make it to the livingroom before seungmin’s trying to pull away.  _ run away. he’s afraid _ _._ woojin looks at him with a worried expression.

“..seungmin?”

“h-hyung, you deserved better.. i-i’m sorry..” seungmin cries out quietly, breathlessly.

“what?-“

“I’M STILL IN LOVE WITH YOU!” 

seungmin yells between heart-wrenching sobs. woojin’s eyes shoot open, shock painted across his features at seungmin’s sudden outburst.

“i wanted t-to run.. i let my thoughts g-get the best of me..”

seungmin voices his thoughts mindlessly, his mind was screaming at him. telling him to stop.  _THIS ISN’T RIGHT_!  they screeched. 

“but i can’t let this go- i can’t let us go hyung.. you’re.. _you’re all i want_ \- i’m terrified, but being without you has been a fucking _nightmare_..” 

seungmin trembled as he spoke, he felt like collapsing. his mind was in overdrive, clawing at his conscious angrily. seungmin held his head in his cold hands, tugging at his hair stressfully. he was tired, tired of _the voices_ , tired of _the self-doubt._

“i’m in love with you and i’m tired of not being able to accept that.”

seungmin finally let out, drained, and awaiting rejection. they stood silently in the middle of the floor of their once shared home. he still held his face in his hands, the silence that lingered making him feel hopeless. suddenly a warm, firm hand is placed beneath his chin. he lifts head only to see tears trailing softly down woojin’s cheeks. seungmin almost gasps painfully, averting his gaze.

“seungmin. _look at me_.”

seungmin tenses up, but does as he’s told, and looks into woojin’s eyes. tired, sleepless eyes meet his own, tired yet beautiful all the same.

woojin’s other hand trails up over his shoulder, both hands cupping seungmin’s face, seungmin shivers involuntarily.

woojin lets out a breathless laugh,” _i knew it_.”

seungmin’s eyebrows furrow, what-

“you’re _such an idiot_ kim seungmin..”

seungmin’s eyes go wide as saucers,”hyung.. wait what?”

woojin’s laughter dies down a bit, leaving behind only a pained smile.

“i love you too, and _if_ you had _let me speak_ the day you left i _could_ have told you that..” 

woojin speaks gently, as if this whole moment would shatter if he wasn’t careful. seungmin’s heart is practically exploding, the nerves, the horror, the excitement. he relaxes in woojin’s hold upon hearing the words ‘ _i love you_ ’ leave his lips.

“i’m so sorry h-hyung.. i was lost, confused.. i still am but the only thing i’m certain about is you.. _i love you so much, please..”_

seungmin rambles, not able to stop the stream of words leaving his mouth. he allows himself to genuinely embrace the regret of his decision all those months ago. it was a mistake, an error and he would never forgive himself for hurting someone he truly loved, and yet, loved him in return. 

suddenly, woojin pulls him close, one hand on his waist, the other caressing his jaw softly. lovingly. seungmin was in awe, staring up at the older boy in pure awe-struck wonder.

“i know seungmin.. that’s why i let you go, to let you find out who you are, to let you decide for yourself what _you_ wanted..”

woojin suddenly says, and seungmin’s jaw hits the floor.

“i could see the way you fought with yourself, the way you struggled against your thoughts. that day you left, it hurt, but i wasn’t surprised. you were suffering, your mind wouldn’t let you sleep..”

woojins says slowly, and suddenly his eyes are downcast. seungmin can’t believe that this whole time, woojin was reading his actions and behavior like an open book.

“i was going to tell you this, i was going to tell you that.. that i’d be waiting for you..”

woojin almost whispered those last few words, before more tears slowly rolled down his cheeks.  _ no more.. _

seungmin hesitates, but he can’t let woojin cry anymore. not because of him. seungmin wraps his arms gently around woojin’s waist, pulling him closer, closer. he tried to catch woojin’s gaze, and when he does, he tries to send him silent message.  _ i’m here, it’s okay. i’m not going anywhere. _

seungmin leans up, brushing his lips against woojin’s carefully. he waits for a sign, a sign resistance, a sign of dislike. instead a whisper leaves woojin’s lips, warm breath fanning across the cold skin of seungmin’s cheek.

“ _i waited for you_ ..”

that’s all it takes for seungmin to close the space between them, their lips _finally_ connecting. woojin kisses back softly, his lips are plump and warm against seungmin’s own. seungmin’s heart soars. as he wraps his arms around woojin’s neck, and feels woojin’s hands trace shapes into his waist, he’s hit with a feeling. his feels complete, whole again. safe.

“ _i’m here, i’m not going anywhere._ ”


End file.
